funny

baby bu : *mama* (in the softest whisper)

me : *yes bu*

bb : mama

me : yes bu

bb : MAMA

me : YES bu (getting annoyed)

bb : << MAMA >>

me : YES BU

bb : toe (points at toe and smiles)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

AG : what are you selling

MB : armpit soup

AG : ooh! is it hot?

MB : yes, i'm just cooking it

AG : i would like some

MB : do you want it extra smelly or extra hairy?

AG : hot and smelly please

* by then, both couldn't keep a straight face, and neither could i *

hump ahead

it's here! it's finally here. tomorrow, hubs and i hop onto a bus for our weekend in KL. we haven't packed yet but i'm sure we are packing light.

i'm soooo looking forward to it. actually, i'm really (REALLY) looking forward to sleeping on the bus. the bus is fitted with massage chairs, and the trip is 5 hours. how decadent is that!

mind games

sometimes i feel so schizo
i hate it when my thots run
i feel uncomfortable –
hair on ends, stomach cringing, want to rip my skin off
need to feel physical pain
punch a wall ... self-destruct so much anger why can’t people see my point ... from my point of view
why can’t people see how serious my point is
why can’t people see how their actions have affected me
why do people think my point is frivolous
why do people trivialize my feelings
why am i so misunderstood

it’s not funny!
drives me nuts …

...when I think abt it

because dualism is real

i was really inspired by the angel picture i used earlier, that i googled angels. then i came across this site, http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/faq_a.shtml (i still don't know how to include links, so bear with me)

+++++++++++++++++++++

Is there any way to contact my gurdian angel?

The Bible makes it clear that trying to contact an “angel” is dangerous : Not all angels are good.

2 Corinthians 11:14
And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light.

Satan is an angel. So are his followers, the “fallen angels” (demons). If you actually “contacted” an angel, how would you know whether the angel was a “godly” angel or a “fallen” one? For that matter, how would you know whether that angel was really “your” guardian angel.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

talk abt paranoia! AG and i were talking abt guradian angels again tonight and i was telling her how when every child is born, jesus handpicks a guardian angel to protect them. but i'm sure the devil does the same. and that is really scary.

the protector

MB has been sleeping with me the whole week while hubs was away. he loves sleeping in our bed. it’s as tho the smell of his parents gives him better sleep.

last night i asked him to sleep in his own bed. all the kids sleep together; baby bu in his cot, MB on the lower bunk and AG on the higher (closer to the stars, she says)

anyways, MB came into my room at 4+ AM to ask me to turn on the light coz he needed to pee. since he was at it, i decided to go too. when i got back to my room, i found him in my bed fluffing the pillows and making himself comfortable …

me : what are you doing in my bed son?
MB : so poor thing you ....you are sleeping alone
me : it’s ok, i don’t mind it
MB : i will protect you
me : what about your brother and sister?
MB : *matter of factly* dun worry, jesus will protect them

then he kissed me, turned over and in an instant, started snoring. definitely his father’s son.

take two

like with most movies these days, there are sequels.

this weekend, hubs and i are cashing in on the free night stay at the very comfortable le meridien at KL. i’ve booked us seats on a bus with massage chairs and personal LCD screens so that when we get to KL, we would be unwound and relaxed and ready to indulge in each other.

the countdown begins again. whoo hoo!

DG is being suicidal by agreeing to take on the kids and my mom on saturday for a trip to the underwater world. she sooo doesn’t know what she is in for!

babe remember, you can’t go back on your word, and yes you are DA (BEST) GODMA IN THE WORLD (tho dee may contest) and I owe you BIG TIME *muacks*

ps – nooooo the reference pic does not mean that we are making videos!

on a roll

i was just thinking abt hubs (who is in phuket now). it was all sunshine and rainbows ... but just as soon as i went there, i felt anger creep in then hate took control. i got soooo upset, i almost gave myself an aneuresym.

hate is such a strong word and i always choose my words very carefully. i use "hate" never by accident. if i hate something, it's because i've given it due thot.

hatred today was sparked by a tangent of my thots which ruffled feelings of old. feelings that i guess i did not get closure for. funny, coz i thot i did. but you know how anger leads to hate which leads to suffering ..... maybe i blocked out closure so that the suffering will not begin. so what do i do with all these plans for painful suffering and bitchslapping revenge which i thot i didn't have but apparently i do?

then just as quickly as the tide came in, i felt a sense of calm.

ps - this artpiece has been a fave of mine for a long time. it's so angry and poetic at the same time. check out how mt fuji remains unwavering at the back while the storm kicks up. i dun usually like asian art, but i skew to japanese pieces like these.

show and tell

i recently lost a bet and was given the task to buy a sex toy for a girlfriend who is getting married. of course, this woman knows exactly what she wants but didn't have the balls to get it herself. it's a vibrating phallic shaped worm in bright happy colours. anyways, i tried twice to make this purchase, both times unsuccessful.

first attempt
the shop was in chinatown. i walked in coz when i peeped from outside, i saw that the store was empty and had a female salesperson. i figured i'd be comfortable enuf to discuss my deed. but the moment i stepped in, 4 old men walked in after me and decided to mirror my every move. they were checking out everything i was checking out and would turn to smile. FREAKY! i was out of there in a flash!

second attempt (part 1)
it's a shop in a mall in orchard road. again, the store was empty so i walked in, cross-armed and headed to the vibrator/ dildo section. the woman was helpful but i didn't see the worm. she kept offering alternatives, insisting i get something that glows in the dark, ribbed, big, small, ticklers etc. wooh! information overload - she was practically trying to stuff these down my throat (no visuals pls!). and some of the stuff didn't look comfortable at all.

second attempt (part 2)
so i popped into the store next door. musky smelling and dark. yes, again, the store was empty but it was manned by a man; and boy was he enthusiastic! he did have the worm but he also showed me a whole bunch of other stuff. how the toys worked - he put batteries in the toys to show the various movements/ speeds and let me feel the various textures. he was so accommodating it was actually a delightful experience. we talked for close to an hour and he didn't once make me feel uncomfortable. i was ready to spend the money on the worm when the hospital staff in me asked the all impt question. "so how does she keep it bacteria free?"

do you know how much effort is needed in keeping a silicone toy bacteria free. it's way too much work! dammit, i rather recommend that my friend "take matters into her own hands" than use a toy! so i thanked the nice man and left the store empty-handed.

free lunch

we've all heard the term, no such thing as free lunch. on my bday, my mom was determined to test the theory.

we were supposed to have breakfast together after sending the kids to school but we had a mis-communication and so we pushed our together time to lunch. people really should not communicate or make plans before 8am!

anyways, so we went to vivo where there are heaps of restaurants to choose from. since mom and i don't get out much, i asked her what she'd like to eat. of course she sings a chorus of "anything", "up to you" and "where ever". grrrrrr ... so i decided to decide for us.

i said we'll have sushi. then she turns to me and said, "i don't do sushi." she wanted to have ice-cream for lunch. (this is the same woman who would smack the back of my head if i suggested the same as a kid)

i said noooooo (who's the mom again?) but we can have some for dessert. just then she remembered that swensens served free lunch on birthdays. so we made a bee-line to Earle's Swensens. mom offered to buy.

mom : you serve free lunch on birthday's right?
waiter : no ma'am. but we do serve a free slice of cake.
mom : but you used to serve free lunch on birthday's years ago
waiter : perhaps ma'am.
mom : i remember, swensens always served free lunch on birthdays.
waiter : but this is Earle's Swensens, we are a new concept restaurant
mom : but the menu says Swensens
waiter : i'm sorry ma'am but we only serve the cake for birthdays
mom : but ....
me : mom, it's different, don't worry a slice of cake is fine.
mom : ....... but they used to serve free lunch.
me : yeah, i know. tell you what, i'll buy lunch.

beautiful day

i woke to a glorious morning on my bday. the sun kissed my face as i went to peek outside. definitely a sun-dress day, i smiled.

had lunch with mom (adventures will be shared in next blog) at vivo then went to MAC for a splurge. mom left me there so i decided to go for a foot reflex in town but my fave therapist was not in. i pushed forward my pedi which was a good idea. hooked up with the girls for coffee at bakerzin then did a quick stop at muji and we were off to barfly for dinner.

barfly is really quaint in architecture and modern in it's ambience and feel. i liked the place. we were possibly the 3rd customer they had that night. and we were a big group. the other tables were couples trying to look inconspicuous, but we saw right thru them.

there we sat, all 6 of us, in the dark restaurant/bar. honestly, i thot it was more bar than restaurant. the menu was designed chic-ly but had the tiniest print. the only light the venue offered were from the three tiny candles they placed on the tables. we were squinting for our meal lah! almost went blind trying to order. eventually used the flashlight function from the mobile phone and ordered. the rock lobster bisque rocked!

to add to that, there was a live band ... ok not a band but 2 guitarist who sang on occasion. but they were loud ... which restricted our conversation ... which annoyed us. the music was good but what can i say, it was clashing with our agenda. we even toyed with the idea of buying them beer so that the (softer) house music could play on.

(disclaimer : we really ARE hot babes and always enjoy a good night out but that night, we just wanted to chill and enjoy conversation at a new spot and may have come across as a bunch of granny-mays but really ... we ARE hot and not one bit boring!)

the only time we really appreciated the band was when they sang a bday song and the girls joined in and started pointing at me. then the band sang it again and this time the waitress brought a small cake to the table in front of us. only then did we realise that we had "hijacked" the first effort and made it ours. of course it didn't dawn on any one of us how the band could have possibly known!

i felt truly decadent. the day was almost perfect. wish hubs was around to share it with me. at least i have birthday sex to look forward to next week when he comes back :)

the big day cometh

woke up pleased as pie. i feel the depression is gone but the tiredness remains. probably comes with age, and the lack of sleep.

i'm so looking forward to what today will bring. i've taken a leave day and i'm going to bask in myself. i've amassed a tidy sum of shopping vouchers from my earlier shameless attempt at telling people what i want and i'm soooooo going to use it today. i may pace myself, so that i can make several small trips rather than going for the big bang.

i also have a massage and a pedi lined up. then a whole bunch of scorp girlfriends are going to have dinner.

a tinge of longing as hubs is in bahrain now. then phuket tomorrow and he won't be home till next monday. but i'm sure the kids will keep me occupied as they take turns to sleep with me at night. but we all know it's not quite the same.

i'm 35 today and am excited about life. i've decided that i'm not going to choose between the red pill or the blue pill or try to analyse it's benefits. this time, i'm going to go with the flow - or at least try my darnest. looks like i've chosen the red pill ... hahaha so much for not choosing : )

postnote : for some strange reason my edited post didn't get published! so anal-perfectionist-me has corrected the last 2 lines. if this is the first time you are reading the post ... erm ... ignore this para ...

eye for detail

i love detail. i love detail in clothes where even the slightest threading or the cross-stitch of a button can change a shirt from stuffy to funky. i love detail in planning even though i know that in the end, no one will notice the extra touch. i love detail in food and it's presentation. i love detail in art and in movies (i always pay attention to the background and the extras that artists and directors, respectively, include in their masterpieces.) i love detail ... like a kid who can spot a grasshopper on a blade of grass in a sea of green tuft : )

reflections of life

i've been thinking abt the past lately but not reminiscing the good times. the painful past.

you know how we've all made mistakes and have learnt from them. well the past thats been tormenting me are the mistakes i've consciously made that sounded like a good idea at the time.

same difference (i hear you say). but it's not. if you accidentally made a mistake, you learn and move on. but if the action was deliberated ..... i've lost my train of thot .... maybe it's the guilt setting in.

what i mean to say is that i've done stuff that made other people feel uncomfortable. and at the time, i didn't care that they felt uncomfortable coz i was having "an experience". i'm all about experiences but since the kids, i've been more placid. so these flashbacks that i've been getting is making me feel mighty uncomfortable.

ok, so i'm a little incoherent tonight. i think it's the caffeine wearing off. i'll make my point another time. i think i just gave myself a headache!

take my breath awayyyyyyyy

the office is just opposite my house so i don't ever take the public transport unless it's the weekend and we need to go out as a family. but today, i had to go to raffles city shopping mall to pick up something. so i hopped on a train which is the best way to get there.

i had the sweetest view. a hot man in uniform! and his pants were tight and nicely stretched where it mattered. occasionally he'd flex when the train jerked. it didn't bug me that he wasn't looking my way. the back view was plenty nice. i tell you i was so very distracted. i even got off at raffles place instead of city hall (where raffles city is). i know, i'm shameless.

but what IS it about a man in uniform that makes them yummy? and this is across the board. every woman (and i really do think EVERY) likes a man in uniform. tho some may prefer military and others mechanic and others still jail cell couture. whatever it is, the timeless "man in uniform" rocks! second to this is "man in blue jeans and white tee"

anyways, how hot was tom cruise as maverick in top gun! sing it - hiiiggggh-wayyyyyyy toooooo theeeeeeee danger-zone!

Iceman: You two really are cowboys.
Maverick: What's your problem, Kazanski?
Iceman: You're everyone's problem. That's because every time you go up in the air, you're unsafe. I don't like you because you're dangerous.
Maverick: That's right! Ice... man. I AM dangerous.

Gundam Wing - Highway To The Danger Zone

this clip if for MB who reminded me today that he can now talk properly because his gundam angel made his mouth ulcer go away.

ps ... ok, it's for hubs too : )

gundam angel

the house has been in gundam mode coz hubs finally bought himself a model on his bday when he was in china. he said it was the model that he was really cozmic to. he bought the wing gundam zero, it looks fierce and ... well ... it has wings.

so the kids have been asking questions and have been all supportive of his effort in putting this hobby treat together.

anyways, today at bedtime, i was talking to the kids abt guardian angels and how we all have one. AG asked what guardian angels are for. i said they protect us from harm and they help us make the right decisions in life.

of course, MB only heard the protect part and he chipped in "my Gundam Angel is the strongest and can destroy yours with the big guns."

i didn't bother correcting him coz such is the divine connection between men and their toys.

wtf

i just don't get it, i've been pms-ing for about 22 years now and i STILL DON'T GET IT!

today i was feeling extremely fat. i mean i was seriously channeling jabba the hut! but at the same time i was feeling so very hungry and nothing i ate hit spots. felt like my stomach was a bottomless pit. i couldn't explain it. my whole being felt screwy.

and what about those cramps. i mean i've had 3 kids, it's supposed to get better. but noooooo.

hope

this picture is so beautiful. i feel like that down-trodden tree but know that there is a rainbow overhead and things will be better. i'm all about rebirth and hope. although there are days that i forget which pocket i've stashed my hope and i wallow in my sorrow instead.

i realised that i'm still on a pre-bday depression. i'm just frustrated with work, management and i am generally extremely tired. my house is looking more and more like a sty and i don't have the energy to do anything about it. so the mess builds every minute which then round-robins my annoyance.