I VANT ivan

it appears that the world cup has consumed even the brother-in-law who seems to have fallen off the face of this god-saken planet. i think the mama-beng is now channeling his foul hokkien vocabulary to the tv rather than on the blog.

women unite, now's the time to shop till you drop or be totally decadent with yourself. spa yourself silly, i say. hook up with girlfriends lost. go to serangoon road and whack the tohseh that you have been craving for months now. your now nocturnal other half would not bat an eyelid coz at the mo, he is living and breathing soccer .... well maybe they (the menfolk) are living and breathing?!?

honestly, i think what really happens is that their brains shut-down and all that's left is the shell which may or may not work at all. it's a mind-numbing phenomenon - the lights are on but no one's home. world cup voodoo if you will. the zombi-fied appearance is truth ... accept it. just as well that the GSS coincides with the cup, either FIFA or STB did a good job with planning. world cup is the best thing that has happened to me in a while. i get a little alone time to love myself.

face off

been watching late night soccer with the hubs lately. at half-time, i was unlucky enuf to catch the NEUGENO ad, targeted at the local metropolitan men. it's a product that is supposed to help tighten facial man-skin hence making the face appear slimmer. talk about loosing face! better keep a bag near by in case your eyes roll out of it's sockets .... also watsups with that Lau-Gee ad. european soccer players scoring with a volley spike? suddenly the audio house ad ain't bad at all. i'm just glad half time is only for 15 mins.

don't stop till you get enuf

that was my recent mantra as my girlfriend EVIL-lynn and i went shopping at a recent sale. this spree lasted over 3 days. both of us had budgets; both budgets were busted wide open. why? coz of our vanity and insecurity of our enhanced bodies ... well i speak for myself. each time i found a piece that flatters my full figure, i buy the same in all the colours without batting an eye on the price.

then just to burst my bubble, another girlfriend shared an article which she read in cosmo. it said, everytime you have an intent to spend on something you need, put the same amount into a box (as savings). she said it's been working for her, saving her nuts for the winter. i say screw the things that you need ... it's the WANTS that will drive you nuts, regardless of the season! doesn't matter if i have to live on love and fresh air for the next month, as long as i look 2 inches smaller, it's money well spent. isn't that what retail therapy is all about? :P

angel-girl says_1

she just lost heaps of weight and has been very proud of her effort. recently, while pulling up her pants, she had to double over which caused her midsection to roll into a bump. she heaved a big sigh and looked really upset. i asked what was wrong, she turned to me (looking rather worried) and said .. mommy, i'm not ready to have a baby yet!

monkey-boy had a brilliant idea this morning when he saw the baby struggling to swallow a cube of "chai tao kuey". he said .. mommy, please go shopping and buy j some teeth.

the bulb and the pot

and so it was decided that the hubster shall be rewarded for being father of the year. the plan was to buy apple vouchers coz what says "we love you and appreciate you" than more apple assessories?!

unfortunately (or not), i had to trash the voucher idea coz i had charge of the 3 monkeys and it would have been suicide to go to the apple store on a saturday afternoon with them. i needed a simplier plan. it was decided that i buy a big pot for his feng shui plant that guards our front door. angel-girl wanted to pick the design coz she's the expert on all things graphic, so says she.

knowing that i was going to need help, i called the godma who was lamenting about the need to buy a bulb. and that was our shopping list, a bulb and a pot.

innocently, we set off to a popular furniture store, spent all of 1 hour there and walked out with so much more, as usual. half way thru the haul, it became evident that lugging a pot was not possible with 3 kids in tow (plus our new expanded shopping list). i ended buying a desk pad which is light and so easy to carry ..... it's the thot that counts waaatttt!

the father loved it and the kids were happy coz they got to see dada smile. i was happy coz i didn't have to break my back and i got some shopping done. and godma got a bulb or two. in all, it was the best father's day ever!

father's day

last friday my girlfriend reminded me that sunday was father's day. she asked if i had anything prepared for the hubster. sheepishly i said no, then thot that he didn't need a pressie to remind him that i was the one who endured labour for a total of 42 hours (collectively) only to have all the kids say dada first. why does he deserve to be celebrated, when a career woman like me has to rush home from work everyday to be the bitch of the castle, ordering the kids to have dinner and wash up while he saunters in at 9-some only to be their best friend.

we both didn't have father figures while we were growing up so there was no reference point for us to measure if he was on the right track. his instinct kicked him good and hard when angel-girl was born. by the time we had the 2 boys, he was an old hand in the game. he could parent with his eyes closed (and lying in bed) which he does on the saturday mornings while i'm at work.

superglue moments aside, he IS a good father. he may not make the best husband but i couldn't ask for a better partner in raising our kids. he is a one-man-creativity-machine-cum-human-tampolene. the kids love him to bits, not just mine, all kids. he lets them run wild and knows when to pull them back. they listen to him coz he listens to them and gives them respect. while i am caught up with the day to day, trying my darnest to be super mom, he has built a relationship with each and every one of them. now that deserves some credit.

dunno got do purposely or not

it's world cup season and have you been watching? actually have you been watching the commercials? next time, skip the pee break and pay attention.

you know how expensive it is to get a prime time slot during half time right? well looks like audio house used up their entire advertising budget on securing a spot so much so that they had no more money left for the voice-over talent. got hear or not? cannot pronounce properly and the accompanying visuals are all 2-D. then it's usually sandwiched between the big-budget ads like hyundai (whose ad really rocks) and adidas (love it, love it, love it). ok ok, even if you match it against the local ads like the mc donalds delivery ad, it's damn no standard lah. really buay pai sei you know.

but then i think, maybe it was done on purpose. maybe it's meant to be sooo bad so that people notice it and talk abt it. subliminal genius ..... like singapore idol. where do i begin?! like a bloody road accident. nauseating to look at but just can't help looking. then to make matters worst, recaps of the accident is shown a gazillion times a day so that even if you missed the gross collision, you are still subjected to the "highlights" of the event. but damn, it's addictive! you tell yourself "no more!" but week after cringing week, you find yourself glued, spurred on by the hope that at least one talent will emerge. after all, talent is subjective, just ask audio house.

NB : i am in no way getting $$ for this dis-advertisment. although i sure could do with a 29" plasma tv.

Damn that iTunes

Oh man.. have to comprain...

it was on shuffle play..

was listening to Linkin Park.. then switch to...

Carpenters.."Yesterday Once More"

NABAEEEEE!!!!!

2 things...

1. WHO THE BLOODY HELL PUT CARPENTERS IN MY iTUNES LIBRARY!!???
2. NABAE CHANGE SO DRASTIC!!! One singing "Shut up when I'm talking to you"..the other "Every shalalala..every whoaoho..

its like you are showering in hot water and someone come and hose you with cold water!!

Lucky it didnt change back to Metallica or somethign after Carperters..




#^%@#$^&#!!!! Nabae!! it just did!! @!#@%$!@&%$!!!!!

The Good & Bad of Malaysia (or the place where we went to)

The best thing that happened to Malaysia in a some time...



Took a snap of this while Mrs and I were on a short trip to Malaysia. Why are they drinking that over there is beyond me.. infact.. I was hoping we can send all that we have here over there..then we can come up with a more respectable beer..

the bad thing about Malaysia (or the part we went to)

NO BLOODY HEINEKEN!!! NABAE!!! ..

have to settle for Carlsburg..

Liverpool fans dont smirk!

friend or foe

i make the worst friend. i'm brutally honest and feelingless. it's hard for me to mince my judgment, even for the ones i care about. i prefer that people don't ask for my opinion, coz it's hard to mask my true feelings and sometimes it's not what they want to hear. you wouldn't believe how many people i've pissed off in my lifetime.

if you've had a bad day or if you need support, my door is not the one you want to knock on for a feel good pick-me-upper. i suck at helping people find themselves and building relationships. you either like me or don't. kinda like blue cheese ... i'm an acquired taste. my close friends know this. i'm glad i actually DO have close friends ... these people who are a sucker for pain. i love them to bits because they understand this hermit side of me. never probing always respectful of my space.

ironically, i get paid to listen to problems and offer support. almost hooker-like, i function mechanically. telling people what they want to hear. there's a formula to this, key words and efforts that seem to work on everyone, regardless of age and race. but it's an effort. when i get off work, the last thing i want to do is socialise. i'm not interested in meeting new people, i'm very happy with the ones i already know. but once in a while i meet someone with the same dark chemistry. the connection is almost explosive.

many times i wonder if i was born without the tenderness gene. if i was made to be friend or foe. either way, i am what i am and never what you want me to be.

Top 15 Signs that I am in my 30s

Eating proper meals becomes very important. (no Macs for lunch)

I hate to drop things, coz I have to pick them up by bending. (ouch!)

Kids confirm call you Uncle. Sometimes adults too!!

Confirm never asked to produce IC when buying cigarettes (a few years back still got ok!)

Watch movies on weekdays coz its cheaper.

Everybody ask you when u getting married (if you are not)

Everybody ask you when u having kids (if you are married)

Taxi driver do mental calculation and advise you that if you are married you should be having kids now coz by the time you are 50 your kid might be still in school and u will have to support him/her, which is not very comforting at that age blah blah blah..etc etc..

Comfort comes first for clothing, then fashion sense.

Catch myself saying “Back when I was younger..”

Catch myself saying “What’s this crap they play on the radio these days..back when I was younger.."

Wondering when I can retire and live the good life (not that it will happen in Sg)

Making new friends get harder and harder

No matter how hard I try, cannot suck in my tummy anymore!

You cringe at the thought of bloody school kids have a month long holiday and they hang around got nothing to do saying "sianz" while its hard for you to take one freaking day leave from work at times!! (and also must cook up so many stories to get it too)


These are in no particular order. Feel free to add in your comments on your pains after turning 30.

(if you are in your 30s and have no complaints, then u are not human, please go do a full physical to check what species u are!)

smoke and mirrors

this is an excerpt from an email banter between my girlfriend and me. she said,

"....mirrors, how they can be deceiving!! i wore this blouse that looks so good on me except for that tiny gap in at my bosom (this is at the shop) the more expensive, the more flattering ....the mirror you think??

but today in my mirror I look fat and the gap looks bigger! is it me or the mirror? the woman in this mirror is not amused!"

hasn't this happened to the best of us? victim to somehow convincing ourselves that the product is good for us. my take is if the product makes you FEEL good, buy it. Not if you think it makes you LOOK good, coz this is subjective ... subjected to how the audience judges the idea of looking good. and the audience can be so cruel.

yesterday, i bought a dress that's a sz 16. horror of horrors! i've never been a 16. i could have taken the 14 or even convinced myself that the 12 looked good but i didn't. coz i've come to realise that i'm a mom and i need comfort above all. who am i trying to kid! the 14 or 12 would have been sexier but it would not have been functional. i'm not so sure if it looks good but it sure as hell feels good, mirror or no mirror.

boys will be boys and men will be men

what a week! drama after drama unfolded on my unsuspecting 3-year-old and his anxious and frantic mother (aka me). first he got punched in the neck by a school mate which left him with a stiff neck for 2 days. when i called the school for them to "look into the matter", i found out that he was hit by a smaller kid who could not talk yet. so much for the interrogation process. no need for the good-cop-bad-cop routine. we had to drop the issue. not before my hubs teaches the boy to keropok back the next time he gets hit.

then on sunday he runs into the computer table and splits the skin at the ridge above his upper lip. Ex-vet assistant, the IVAN-NATOR said that the wound was deep and that he might need stitches. he said for a quick fix, we could use some superglue on the top just to seal the wound coz he's done this on animals before. i gave the knowing (are you MADDDDD) look and walked out of the room coz i needed to call the insurance agent to check on coverage. then the hubs goes to check on the damage and moments later, i hear the boy scream. i go into the room and lo and behold, there lay my child with superglue on his face. i'm just glad that the stapler gun was not in sight!

this is all following his 2 week Hand Foot and Mouth Disease fiasco we had last month and the conjuctivities allergic reaction where his eyeball nearly swelled out of it's socket. then of cause we experienced the popular stuck-in-the-toilet episode.

all that said, the boy is fine. unprompted, he thanks jesus every morning for healing him. i've heard that boys will get banged up and scratched and bruised but i wish to god that these adventures could just pace themselves out before i turn into a bald-chain-smoking-tequila-chugging-freak-of-nature.

browncast: eX(ns)Men 3 *by ivan*

Listen..do yourself a favour.. go to Mr Brown, get his latest podcast..

(especially u (or ex) army boys).. confirm wont regret.. wont say much here..but its absolutely brilliant!!! GO! GO! GO!!

(u can download it by right click on the link and 'save target as' to download to your comp, or use ur itunes to download the podcast..)



whadda u still doing here.. GO NOW!!!!!!