bite me!

reality bit me hard in my fat ass last week after a noticeably smaller sized friend gave me a heads up on her dress size. so i went to try on some clothes and i'm up a size! my own clothes still fit, probably molded to my body already. sigh. looks like i need to diet again.

but seriously, how to lose weight when dee keeps baking these nigella beauties. my mom's bday was last weekend and dee helped us bake these macadamia nut chocolate chip banana muffins. then the kids had a field day with the frosting and icing.

just look at these, we had 21 cupcakes in all. how to lose weight like that! yes, that IS a glob of nutella on top of vanilla icing. can you say sugar rush!
you think i'm gonna ask her to stop, hell no! this weekend, she baked strawberry cream cheese cake.

caught in a t(ri)angle

i was teaching MB his spelling words in my bedroom, when mom walked in.

mom : whose sandwich is that in the fridge, can i eat it for dinner?

me : it's mine ....

mom : oh, never mind then ... i'll just have some biscuits ...

me : no mom, go ahead and eat it

mom : no no, you eat it

me : no, you have it.

mom : no, no ... nevermind *but her eyes were lying*

me : *annoyed* mom! will you eat it already! stop playing this game. if you want the sandwich, go eat it.

mom : ok *smile*

end of scene one

let me tell you a little something about this sandwich. it's a smoked salmon sandwich from swiss bake. the bread is kraftkorn which is a dark malt bread consisting of cereals and oil seeds , malt, wheat, rye, oat, soya, sunflower seeds and flaxseed. if you buy it off their shelf, it sells as a loaf. but for this sandwich, it's baked round, and it's cut in a generous wedge - almost the size of a large pizza slice. the filling is smoked salmon, cream cheese, lettuce and capers on a meculin salad - again, all generous portions. priced decently at $8.50 a pop.

*i'll pause right here for you guys to soak it in and get a visual*

this IS my favourite sandwich and it's extremely hard to come by because it sells out very VERY fast. this afternoon, when i went to swiss bake to order MB's bday cake, i saw the beautiful sandwich from the corner of my eye. i knew it was mine! IT HAD TO BE MINE!!

scene two

mom : let's share ... i'll cut it into half

me : ok mom, if it will make you happy

moments later i walk up to the sandwich (remember, i told you it's cut in a wedge). mom's idea of half was not down the middle from the tip to the crust (creating 2 triangles). nooooo, she cut it right across, creating an isosceles triangle on one end and a trapezium of sorts on the other. i took one look at what had become of my sandwich and told mom that she could have it all.

mom, who is used to my idiosyncrasies, decided to agree with me without batting an eye.

end

1) for me, it's either ALL or nothing. yeah, sure i'll share ... but it's not my preference ... i know ... i'm a selfish punk

2) i'll never get over the feeling of having to sacrifice. i swear, i was not made for this emotion. i know for most, there is a sense of satisfaction, gratification even, knowing that you've given up something you like to someone who needs it more. but i rarely ever get this effect following a sacrifice. close to never. instead, i get a sick feeling in my stomach. i ruffle my feathers for not holding fort.

3) i like eating my food, especially my sweets and savories, in wedges. i must have a thing for triangles. i know that when i eat steak, i like cutting it into tiny triangular bits. of course, i like seeing my cakes, pies and quiches sliced this way too. food cut in squares/ rectangles are so blah. food cut in wedges take you on a journey - a choose your own adventure gastronomical trip even. follow me ....

you can start with the tip where everything is at it's richest. that's where you get most of the filling. the end is where the crust is thickest. also the most gritty texture. sometimes it's bland, but still nice as a last taste. i like to alternate tip and end sometimes, to balance the flavours. unless it's cake with an icing or is coated with chocolate rice or shavings etc. so then the logic reverses and the end is now the richest. sometimes i savour the tip for last, other times the crust. the combinations vary on the mood and what is served.

so when i saw my beautiful triangle sandwich butchered, i felt robbed of my journey and just had to walk away.

POST NOTE : this blog is also tri-part-tied hahahaha. 3 topics. i amuse myself. :)

mother of a day

i pulled a nerve in my back, trying to open a jar of sun dried tomatoes, last night. the sharp pain traveled from the back of my neck down to my hip. now it hurts like hell and it's mighty uncomfortable. quasimodo in the house!

to add to that, i danced w the devil and ate salted egg crabs for dinner last night. we all know, i'm allergic to crustaceans. i took my anti-histamine before indulging but i knew that it wouldn't be enough to avoid the consequences. yet, tho i was armed w the knowledge and familiar with the repercussions, i ate the crab. this morning, i am an itching mess. i also have a swollen tongue and a tight throat.

to add salt to a wound, i seem to have caught the viral gastroenteritis (GE) bug from AG who got it from Bu. or maybe not coz intestinal irritation is also an allergic reaction.

so to sum it up, i feel like shite. i had to call my mom in to help me w the kids today instead of celebrating all that she has done for me. some mother's day this is turning out to be.

mother's day, schmother's day. really, we should appreciate mothers everyday. do we really need a day to prompt us to be nice to our moms, instead of taking them for granted, knowing that they will understand? we play them as much as they play us. but i think we started playing them first. that incessant crying as a baby coz we wanted to be carried, knowing that it tugged at their heart strings. we play moms like a fiddle. and moms, being moms, know this and they still bend backwards for us.

i called my grandmother to wish her "happy mother's day" and to tell her that i would not be able to visit her today. very calmly, she said,"that's ok, mothers should always expect disappointment. don't worry, i know you love me and we both love each other." all i could offer back was a meek promise to visit when i feel better. but i could tell in her voice that she knew not to hold her breath.

i was dumbfounded by the sheer truth of that statement and the impact (in all it's simplicity) it had on me. i know for sure, that as a mom, i'm disappointed a lot. by the kids, the hubs and situations that i have to deal with. like today for eg, hubs has missed mother's day 3 times in a row because of work. which means, i don't get my due appreciation today. and yet, i deal with it and make the most of it. i know he loves me and if given the opportunity, he would not miss it.

so ... appreciate your mother always. believe me, i know it's tough, but they deserve it. if nothing else, for carrying you uncomfortably for 9 months and having to push you out in pain but with so much love.

2 queens

and then it dawned on me. i'm not angry that he isn't here by my side. i'm frustrated that because he is not here, she has to be around. i've said it before, and i'll say it again. 2 queens in one castle is not a good thing.

today, i asked the other queen to take the day off while i stayed home with my 3 merry men. they were trying but they didn't break my mood.

there were tantrums and peace talks and defiance and trickery but it was all good. and i remained sane. the whole day : )

lest we forget how fragile we are

this week i was really emotional for me. a good friend's mom passed on sunday night. he's my age which makes his mom about the same age as mine. she had a kidney transplant some 20 years ago and i guess was on heavy meds. she finally succumbed to her condition.

the news came as quite a shock for us - both me and my mom. the family used to stay right next to us and we practically grew up together. then when they shifted out, we saw less and less but my friend and i stayed in touch. we were relatively close till we both started our separate lives then we'd sms once a year, if at all.

but i digress, this was just a wake up call for me .... sometimes i forget how fragile our parents are. they are not as strong as they used to be. just last week DG's mom fell and fractured her elbow and sustained a nasty cut in her lip. she had to go for surgery and stitches. of course that did not stop her from bossing the docs and nurses around at the hospital. which was a rerlief coz of the very fact that she was, meant that she was fine : )

my mom limps coz of an achilles and knee problem and she is also losing her hearing and becoming very forgetful. she also thinks she has high blood pressure and is a borderline diabetic. but that's not going to stop her from eating ice-cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner. and so the tables the turned. the nagger is now the nagged. the difference is, i have to nag respectfully, coz she is my mom.

sometimes it really frustrates me that she is not as physicallly strong as i remember her. not the dancing diva, dragon boater or rock climber she used to be. now she prefers to catch up with friends over a meal. she was superwoman. now she is just woman. and on some days ... she is the old woman. and i tell myself that i need to be forgiving and understanding.

it's pay back time and it's impt that i pay back with double the love that she showed me. but it's truly hard coz patience is not a virtue that comes naturally to me. it's an effort. but this is the circle of life.

shrinkage

me : so what did the kids have for dinner yesterday

mom : hot dogs

me : did you use the big fat sausages?

mom : yeah

me : how many did AG have?

mom : 2

me : what? those are big sausages, as an adult, i can only manage one.

mom : i know it's big, but it shrinks what.

me : mmmm-ooooo-mmmmmmm!

star wars

i've contemplated this entry long and hard. but i just need an outlet to vent. you see, when scorpio and gemini are forced together, worlds collide.

hours and hours of frustration brew an eruption. and usually it's the scorp who blows. herein lies my problem .... i'm not supposed to blow up in front of the gemini. i can't. i'm loyal to family. it's disrespectful. so what do i do, i count to ten. i eat my words. i swallow my anger. i try to cool off. and sometimes ... sometimes ... i take it out on the kids. and she knows it. she knows that i'm venting on the kids. so i don't let her win, and i try to teach them otherwise.

what happened today to push me over ..... now remember this is an amalgamation of many ....

me : AG what did you have for dinner today

AG : 2 nutella sandwiches

me : you had chocolate for dinner?

gemini (cutting in) : well she had her lunch at 3

me : ok .... but i don't see the nutritional value of a chocolate sandwich as her last meal of the day.

gemini : but she already ate a fried egg and fried chicken for lunch.

me : no veg? what about fruit?

me (to AG) : the next time you want to have a light dinner, ask for a cheese sandwich. and if you are still hungry, have an apple. chocolate is not dinner.

AG : ok mummy.