overwhelmed

i confess, i've purposely not blogged for weeks as i struggled with the realisation of a new life. i was 4 kg from goal when hubs and i found that we have a bun in the oven.

my first reaction was fervent upset. i was angry that i had come so close to triumphantly finishing something that i had worked so hard for, only to have it end abruptly and not on my accord. suddenly, i am hungry every 3 hours, suddenly i need more calcium in my body, suddenly, i need to eat more carbs coz the metabolic rate has accelerated. i hated it. i had no control over my being. i was being selfish. i couldn't believe this was happening again! i couldn't see the joy of the miracle of life. i was just thinking of me. selfish little me.

hubs was overjoyed. the moment he found out, he told everyone. i on the other hand, waited days before i broke the news, even to my mother.

then i told myself, that baby can feel this negative energy and this is really not how i want it to be welcomed in this world. i also had to will myself to snap out of this rut coz when i was preggers with bu, i went into major antenatal depression and i swear it wasn't fun. i was crying for no reason and sad all the time. plus i had to juggle work and the kids. it was emotionally tuff.

so here i am, finally brave enuf to share the happy news. finally accepting that the baby is a blessing and that i am ready to love a new little person. to tell you the truth, i really wouldn't mind another child, i just want to by-pass the pregnancy bit. ohhhh, my body is too old for this ride. baby is due in july, a cancerian. good for keeping the peace in our den of scorps :) like i said, a blessing.

AG wants a girl but is now thinking twice coz she does not want to compromise having the privacy of her own room. MB doesn't really care, being the diplomat that he is, he wouldn't mind a half and half ... whatever that is. And Bu, who has never had the privy of seeing me with child, wants me to give birth to a car - a fast car.

i'll keep you posted.

PS - so what was that question abt the sex improving again?