catholism by technicality

i grew up with my g-ma. lent in her house was 1) no meat on weds and fris, 2) visiting 7 churches on maundy thrusday, 3) doing a virgil on maundy thursday, 4) no comforts on good friday ie no fan, no tv, no radio, no yummy food (until 3 pm) 5) afterwhich, we were allowed a decent meal but still nothing fancy till easter. under the miserable circumstance, i really felt the spirit of lent.

this year, it was lent by convenience. 1) i only ate seafood on "some" fris and it was all yums 2) i went to only one church and left after 15 mins (albeit i was alone and had all the monkeys) last night, 3) i also couldn't keep my eyes open past 2030hrs, 4) we watched tv this morning also ... i'm online and i took a bite off da godma's gourmet pork chop, 5) we'll prob eat well tonight too.

then there is the other paradox of good friday and sex. for as long as i've been having sex, i've told myself that i'll keep the day celibate. but i always fail ... always. it starts with a nap then it doesn't. i told hubs abt it today as we were waking up. he turns and says, "but after 3pm can what". technically, he is right.

i feel sorry yet i don't. he died for us, but he's also alive and well. should we dwell on the past or work on moving on. do we want to cry over spilt milk or rejoice in the now. i wish i was a better catholic, but does it make me a bad one for not playing by the rules.