thanks for the ride .... wwwwwwhat a rush!

i broke my one golden rule. colleagues are friends and not family. and now i am paying for it with a broken heart.

i've been waiting 7 years for a colleague like him for a male energy whom i could relate to. for years all i've had were female colleagues. all these high tension emotions that i'm not usually fond of or know how to manage. he related to my less feminine interests. someone i could talk to about soccer and wrestling and ... well ... man stuff.

we talked every day. he'd come to my cube and we'd make goofy faces at each other. give each other theme songs. create msn avatar theme weeks. talk nonsense and reminisce old school stuff. he was the rascal brother i never had. he took my work stress away. i'd like to think i returned the favour.

he always came to me with his problems and i was there to fix it. mostly work but sometimes about family. now i wish i listened harder when he spoke to me. i wish i picked up on the nuances of his sometimes hapless avatars. i wish i listened to my gut feelings. i wish i could have helped fix his problems. or at least try.

all i feel now is pain. i'm all cried out .... but it's not about me, it's about him.

i really hope you have found peace and that you are happier dude ... friend ..... brother. it's been quite a ride.