nothing

lately i feel that i am servant to all. i'm beginning to feel like there is not enuf of me to go around.everybody else's needs are met and i'm left feeling frustrated and short changed. it's damn frustrating.

everybody builds their lives and schedules around themselves and i'm left to fit in the gaps or pick up after them. so their lives move on and i'm left with scraps. it's like i'm wearing a big-ass sign that says,"yeah, you work out what's good in your life and take as much time as you like. i'll just wait here at the sidelines for when you are ready."

and i mean EVERYBODY has been treating me this way. yes, even the kids. what do i have to do to get a little attention!

my being feels really annoyed. i cried in frustration earlier, for a bout a minute when realisation sank. but i'm more together now. still feel upset because if i were to share this with the people who are making me feel this way, i'm either going to be 1) asked to understand/ see it from their point of view ie be understanding of their situation or 2) have an awkward moment.

i feel dumb for being the martyr. damn it, i feel numb.